20 October 2012

"Lomonosov or Zuckerberg?" or unbearable pain of a good priest

Fate (or, rather, email) brought to my attention a peculiar article in a peculiar publication. The name of the publication - Russian People's Way*, the motto of the publication - Orthodoxy Autocracy Nationalism and the interesting habit of mentioning their main staff members' nationality and religion (which, for most of them is Russian and Orthodox, for those that are not Russian or Orthodox, nothing is mentioned); all this points to a pretty cool bunch.

The article in question is titled Lomonosov** or Zuckerberg? and was penned by one Alexandr Shumski, who is presented as "a priest, a writer and a publicist". I shall provide here a translation (with Google's help) of most of this remarkable opus with some running commentary. So take a deep breath, here it comes:

The other day we in Russia were granted a visit by a young American billionaire with a speaking first and last name - Mark Zuckerberg [if you don't get the meaning of the "speaking name", more examples: Vasily Ivanov will not be a "speaking" name to the author, neither will be John Smith], the founder of the so-called Facebook. Zuckerberg came as a master, with not too much respect for aboriginal [sic!] people. This attitude to the local population was emphasized even by his appearance. Zuckerberg was dressed in a gray undershirt [see the photograph from the article below, it is the Zuckerberg's regular T-shirt that the priest calls "undershirt"], about the same undershirt I put on after bathhouse under my shirt [now you know too...]. In such underwear American Mark Zuckerberg met with representatives of our scientific and political establishment.

But the purpose of his visit is thievery, as was definitely stated by an NTV presenter Tatyana Mitkova. It turns out that Mark Zuckerberg came for our talent. He needs good programmers and computer scientists. Naturally, we are talking about young people. Someone might say, "Oh, he's not abducting them, he just buys them. Why do you call him a thief?" Legally Zuckerberg is not a thief, he is doing everything according to the law, otherwise he would not be Zuckerberg [notice the oblique reference to the "speaking name"? Wait for more]. But, as Lenin used to say: "Technically correct, but in fact a mockery." [apparently Lenin has become acceptable to some scions of recovering Church?] I believe that the law that allows some Zuckerberg to come any time and and buy whatever he wants is a thieves' law. In Soviet times [wow - hear, hear - a priest nostalgic for Soviet times, when his Church was persecuted and practically extint!] this was impossible, thus we [sic!] created a great science, flew in space first, created the world's best weapons [hm... and folded like a house of cards eventually - I wonder why?]. So what is preferable for Russia: a restriction that prevents zuckerbergs [now that "speaking name" became an identifier of a group] from robbing my home or a liberal system - the game were the ball goes only one way, in which we lose everything and gain nothing, except a dirty Zuckerberg's shirt as a memento.

Someone might say, "So pay as much as they pay and there wouldn't be a brain drain." Russia and the Russian has never been and will never be competitive with zuckerbergs over money [heh.. indeed - "zuckerbergs" do sit on all that gold]. It is an axiom [sure, sure, Father]. Consequently, if we are to survive, to become a great power again, we must take the necessary restrictive measures, saving our intellectual resources. Whether we want it or not, we again have to remember Comrade Stalin, who understood this very well [no comment, I am rather speechless].

It was a bitter pill - to watch Mark Zuckerberg's meeting with the rector of Moscow State University Viktor Antonovich Sadovnichy in the university library. Zuckerberg, of course, showing off in his underwear, and Sadovnichy expressing joy on his academic face [how do you recognize an academic face?]. But suddenly, something totally unexpected happened. Zuckerberg got out a black sweatshirt with a hood and the word "facebook" And Sadovnichy, with strained smile, put this jersey on! It looked extremely silly and demeaning. Some punk billionaire makes an eminent Russian scientist, Vice President of RAS, respected and honorable man, wear a black sweatshirt with a non-Russian inscription [non-Russian, imagine that! sheer debauchery!]. All this was like a secret and at the same time a public ceremony, like an initiation [you all understand clearly what kind of initiation could be performed by "zuckerbergs", I only wonder about the good academician's foreskin]. I can not understand Victor Antonovich, why did he do it? I can not imagine that he liked it [who knows, the good Father should try it once, I suggest]. There wasn't a gun at his head at this point [who knows? one can point a gun from under the table too], so why did he disgrace himself? I do not blame Victor Antonovich, because I myself felt very ashamed, as if I myself put on the zuckerberg's hoodie.

This story looked like a symbolic act, like a putdown of all Russian science.
Believe me, my dear Victor Antonovich, I do not aim to offend or condemn you, but what I saw on Tuesday, caused me an unbearable pain.

Well, enough is enough. A few words on the general background of this "article". After the late Soviet Union's official religion, i.e. communism, largely vacated the scene, the revitalized Orthodox Church rushed to fill the created vacuum. As with any great turmoils, this one was used to the utmost by the different kinds of vermin, including characters of the Black Hundreds type, ultra-nationalists and, I guess, the ex-communists and ex-KGB characters that found themselves beached.

The expectations of the Western community that is used to see, as their own custom, religion as a stabilizing and benign influence, are not exactly met by the current state of ROC - Russian Orthodox Church, where the extremist element is quite strong, and the influence it wields, via the ever-growing power and influence of ROC, grows accordingly.

So don't make the mistake of considering our good Father Alexandr to be an exception. This mistake could be costly.

(*) Actually the literal translation of the last word is "Line", but it doesn't convey the meaning. So...

(**) I am aware that some names in the article may not mean a lot to the reader, so:
Lomonosov: Mikhail Vasilyevich Lomonosov November 19 1711 – April 15 1765 was a Russian polymath, scientist and writer, who made important contributions to literature, education, and science. Among his discoveries was the atmosphere of Venus.


Sard said...

Thoroughly enjoyable piece - enlightening.

Sara Noble said...

Very interesting! Thank you.

SnoopyTheGoon said...

Thanks Sard.

SnoopyTheGoon said...

Thank you for reading it, Sara.