Ladies and gentlemen of cat loving society! I want to turn your attention to a case that was brought to your judgment some time ago. To refresh you memory, the subject was displaying only some basic misunderstanding of the feline nature, and the measures recommended then were of educational nature, without elements of punishment.
Today the situation is more severe, and I am afraid that much harsher measures will be required. The subject, while outwardly displaying some signs of being converted, unintentionally confessed to some heinous crimes. He starts with a feeble attempt of misdirection, pointing to an apparent anti-feline person (a writer Amanda Craig this time) who says the following about cats:
Cats are all very well in their way, but sharing your space with a creature even more self-centred, indolent, cold-hearted and greedy than yourself is never a good idea....To an amateur in feline affairs it may sound alarming, but then Ms Craig comes clean:
Dogs, on the other hand, offer us all the unstinting devotion, slavish admiration and gratitude we could possibly want...It is clear as July sky over Negev desert that Ms Craig here is a dog person. In other words, someone not responsible for her opinions on feline population and to be left alone (well, at least until the day comes, if you know what I mean).
The false whistleblower, however, could not confine himself to this misdirection and just had to add some self-incriminating details:
...let me be absolutely clear that our cats are selfless, constantly busy on good works, more affectionate than your granny and are so charitable they share their food with us at all times. They salute us every morning when we rise, make the bed, do the vacuuming...I think you don't need more sordid details, so let's proceed with the verdict. Follow the charges:
- A clumsy attempt of misdirection - could be discounted
- Food deprivation ("they share their food with us")
- Humiliation ("They salute us every morning")
- And the worst one: use of feline labor ("make the bed, do the vacuuming")