To: The Guardian's corrections and clarifications column editor, the correction writer, the editors, subeditors, proofreaders, lawyers, geography and realpolitik experts and other geniuses, fuckwits and assorted wankers who participated in preparation of a correction that states:
The caption on a photograph featuring passengers on a tram in Jerusalem observing a two-minute silence for Yom HaShoah, a day of remembrance for the 6 million Jews who died in the Holocaust, wrongly referred to the city as the Israeli capital. The Guardian style guide states: "Jerusalem is not the capital of Israel; Tel Aviv is" (Eyewitness, 20 April, page 24).Dear Sir/Madam/Other,
By the authority vested in our hands as members of the Elders' organization (organisation for you) we are empowered to educate you, in lieu of several facts that you may have been ignorant of, while excreting the correction quoted above:
- It is year 2012 out on the street, even in Kings Place, 90 York Way, London.
- The days of that empire of discoverers, warriors, conquerors and partly inbred officials that ruled the various colonies of the Empire on which the sun never sets are gone. The Union Jack is by now a tattered piece of double dip recession cloth that doesn't even merit a second glance. One thing we could thank the Empire for is that it seriously (and on purpose) fucked up the division of the world it ruled, leaving us all with a big headache. (But it made the continued existence of the Elders' outfit justified for years to come, so in a way we should be grateful. Which we are not.)
- As such, not a single person in the state of Israel is going to change his opinion on the question of the Israeli capital, just because of a somewhat pompous, asinine notice that refers the decision on the said capital not even to The Guardian's high and mighty but to some, hitherto unknown nepotist pudendum entity called "The Guardian style guide".
- There is no need for an entry visa into Israel for the citizens of UK. As such, you are free to visit and to roam the streets of Tel Aviv in search for our Knesset, our Government and our Supreme Court, stopping from time to time for an espresso (devilishly expensive, mind), a meal (doubly expensive too) and a hard earned rest. Tell us about the results.
- Oh, and Franco, Pol Pot, Hitler, Mao and Stalin - they are all dead. Doesn't mean you should relax your usual vigilance, but still - do mind your own capital - Red Ken is getting close...