28 February 2006

Jooz stole the salt?

HAMISH ROBERTSON: Events in Moscow last week pointed to some strange conundrums in the Russian capital.

Why are some public buildings unable to bear the weight of snow in a city renowned for its severe winters, and why are Muscovites frantically stockpiling salt?

But in the past couple of weeks, salt has been disappearing from the shops, as Russians engage in a frenzy of panic buying.

As Emma Griffiths reports, the causes of this salt-scare are difficult to trace.

Nikolay is an elderly man carrying his shopping bags of cabbages. He has his theory.

"Zionists have triggered this crisis," he says. "They've taken over the country and are now trying to arrange a salt crisis like they did before perestroika, when there were shortages of tobacco and washing powder. They do it all deliberately."

So, we, the Jooz, have been caught again. Just in two short weeks we have:

  • Blown up a famous mosque
  • Spread the bird flu over half a world
  • Incarcerated a saint of all Aryan people (and some non-Aryan I could mention, but wouldn't - they are too sensitive lately), using Aryans to do so too
  • Buried some nuclear dump over all the Muslim countries (the last time I am using the d-word for the next month or two, I swear!)
  • And now, like babies, we are so easily caught stealing salt

OK, fine, time to 'fess up. You see, we have done a terrible mistake, filling up most of the Dead Sea with crude oil. It's right that we have now more oil than we'll ever know what to do with. But the main source of the world salt is gone. Finished, kaput! Even if we ever get a way to dig the salt out, it will be so permeated by oil, no one will agree to lick it. Ever.

So, of course, our emissaries are buying up the salt all over the globe. Then we'll start reselling it, and believe me, what you ever called oil crisis will be a joke in comparison.

Hat tip: Judeosphere

Cross-posted on Yourish.com

Outfoxing the Fox

Sometimes a small thing like this could get you disoriented, aimlessly wading through the Internet like a drunk elephant in search of... what, precisely?

Indian children? Pakistan's largest Islamic group? WTF?

Maybe Fox people meant "Indian" in the sense of "injun"? No, they are too politically correct for such a blunder.

I shall go make some tea. Decaf. Settle me feverish brain...

UN: Israel's tightened security exacting heavy humanitarian toll

The Unbelievable Nincompoops came up with a scoop: it appears that security measures interfere with normal day-to-day life of people. Wow, what a discovery!

Israel's tightening of security procedures has exacted a heavy humanitarian toll in the territories since the Palestinian parliamentary elections last month, according to a United Nations report obtained by Haaretz on Monday.

So the report links the security measures with the
Palestinian parliamentary elections. So far so good. But then comes an example of these barbarous security measures:

Israel's three-week closure of the Karni crossing, the primary artery used to transport commercial supplies to and from the Gaza Strip, resulted in an estimated loss of $10.5 million, the agency said.

The UN says the closure of Karni forced the Palestinians to shut down all Gaza Strip flour mills and, as a consequence, led to the depletion of wheat grain stocks.

And what, pray, caused the closure of the above mentioned crossing? Was it because of the above mentioned elections really? Or, maybe, just maybe, because of these three "civilians" with Kalashnikovs and hand grenades that tried to shoot their way through that crossing just before the closure?

And some optimists say that there are limits to stupidity...

Cross-posted on Yourish.com

Organs harvesting - in Iraq?

WND reports on some strong feelings in Germany toward the latest Turkish action movie "Valley of the Wolves". The Elders had a preview of this opus, and there is nothing negative we can say about it. After all, the following is true:

Ahlin Sahdin, the film's distributor in Germany, sees the conflict in broader terms: "When a cartoonist insults two billion Muslims it is considered freedom of opinion, but when an action film takes on the Americans it is considered demagoguery. Something is wrong."

The Elders will not go into the rights and wrongs. If somebody wants to see American villains killing, raping and maiming innocent populace and, in addition, that somebody views a Jewish villain of medical persuasion cutting stuff out of the innocent Iraqi's body, we are all for it. This is freedom of opinion at its finest!

Just for the sake of historical truth: Jewish doctors harvest the fresh and unspoiled organs for transplants only from Palestinian population, as it is widely know all over the fair Muslim world. We insist on a correction that should appear either in the body of the movie or in some additional scene added to it. It should be stressed also that the body parts of Iraqis that are harvested serve only culinary purposes. Jooz prefer dates-fed Iraqis, but the regular variety is also acceptable, although at lower prices.

And a technicality: Gary Busey was quite pathetic in the role of the doctor. He must watch a few surgeries to become a passable imitation of a Jewish medical villain. Besides - he is a blond and doesn't have no crooked nose!

In related news:

Today in the Yichilov hospital (Tel-Aviv) a team of 10 doctors successfully carried out a rare and complex surgery. A cancer growth was extracted from a heart of a Palestinian 4 years old girl. Her life was saved, and her status is defined as stable.

(That bunch of doctors obviously fought for the cancerous growth they have harvested. Must be an especially sought after delicacy for the Jooz...)

27 February 2006

Demolition in Dushanbe: Doesn’t Anyone Care About Tajikistan’s Synagogue?

Read this and forward to your friends, please.

The people at the launch

This is the title of Norm's post about the launch of a new book by Linda Grant. Yes, we (all the Elders here) listened to Ms. Grant's interview on BBC a few days ago on the same subject. Extremely interesting. Besides - each time I hear somebody talking her kind of perfect English, I get so obsessed by envy, it almost makes me cry. But I wouldn't. No way.

So go out and buy that book.

Did I mention: or else?


As it is only too well known, Moses, aside of his sterling qualities as a spiritual leader of our people, decision maker, confidant of the Creator, etc., was not a very successful tour guide. To start with the unfortunate necessity to part the Red Sea waters, caused by a simple navigation mistake (holding the map upside down), the 40 years of wandering in the desert and the choice of the location for the settlement...

Not only is the location a bit on the poor side where the milk is concerned and not precisely the world empire of honey, but, ironically, being in the middle of the most oil-infested area in the world, it does not have any oil to speak of.

But now, after ten years of clandestine and dangerous work, the pioneering horizontal shaft project is finished, and Israel became the world leading oil producer!

In this picture you can see a seemingly innocent drilling rig on unspecified location near Eilat.

The rig, however, is only a tip of an iceberg. This diagram presents the real picture.

A mine shaft (A) leads down to an underground chamber (B), where a horizontal drilling device was activated ten years ago. And the unique 200 kilometers long shaft (C) connects the Eilat location directly to a huge underground sea of oil (D) near a desert village El Sharmuta in Saudi Arabia. Saudis kept the discovery of that oil field secret, intending to keep it for the rainy day. Not anymore.

This picture shows the path of the shaft from the Eilat location to El Sharmuta. As you see, some of the shaft (in red) passes under the Kingdom of Jordan, and thus Israel and Jordan will share the spoils.

The last, but not the least, issue was where to keep all that unbelievable quantity of crude oil. An ingenious solution was required. Jordanian and Israeli engineers decided on the North part of the Dead Sea. It was almost totally dried down and not used very much anyway.

The pumping operation is almost finished, and as you can see in the picture, black oil is filling up the northern part of the Dead Sea almost to the brim.

Re the legal issue of ownership: since the horizontal drilling was unheard of until now and, besides, the existence of the oil field near El Sharmuta was kept secret, Saudis decided not to sue at this point in time, hinting darkly at some future retribution.

In related news:

President Putin's special envoy to OPEC tabled a motion to accept Israel and Jordan as full members of this organization. All but one members voted for the decision. The one member mentioned - Saudi Arabia - abstained.

Ayatollah Khamenai and president Ahmadinejad called acting PM Ehud Olmert to express their admiration and tell him about the warmest friendship that always existed between the Iranian people and the Jews.

Ehud Olmert convened a press conference, where he presented a new Israeli political platform. He stressed repeatedly the importance of brotherhood of Semitic nations in the area, the urgent need to free the Middle East of the Euro- and Amero-imperialist yoke and the establishment of Caliphate from Atlantic Ocean to the Yantze river. "Never", said Olmert, "have the Jews had it so good as during the times of the Caliphate and the benevolent and wise rule of the Caliph."

President Hugo Chavez called Olmert to set a date for his visit. Olmert promised him an authentic IDF paratrooper uniform, red boots included.

Abdallah, King of Jordan, declared that he is flying to Damascus next week with a sole purpose to shave off president Assad's mustache. "Now that I have all the dough in the world, I will pay this little Hitler whatever it takes for the pleasure of shaving this pitiful growth under his nose myself".

Cross-posted on Yourish.com

26 February 2006

Aren't you frightened to death?

Here are two pictures that are supposed to frighten the excrement out of you:

Are you scared? Not very? I thought so. Let's see if the following story will change you mind.

As an act of courtesy and following the accepted tradition, the acting PM Ehud Olmert invites the current opposition leader, Likud Chairman MK Benjamin Netanyahu for an update.

A part of the same tradition is that the said opposition leader treats the contents of such meetings with utmost discretion. And what does our wannabe PM Bibi do? Surely just the opposite of the expected - convenes an interview with the press!

Netanyahu addressed reporters who had been invited there by his aides for a briefing, and told them he was concerned about the acting prime minister's attitude toward Hamas' rise to power in the Palestinian Authority.

Truly an act of a desperate man. But this is only for starters. Let's see what are the main points of the "impromptu" interview:

  • I left [the meeting] concerned
  • It is clear that a Hamas state will pose a threat to the stability of Jordan, maybe Egypt, too, and certainly us
  • [Hamas] is in cahoots with Iran, and both want to wipe Israel off the map
  • Hamas is a strategic threat to the entire region
  • We are likely to find ourselves with a Hamas state that begins on the borders of Iraq and stretches to the outskirts of the Dan region, and to which all possible types of weapons will flow... (sounds strangely like Hamas' claim that Zionists want to spread from river X to river Y)
That's enough for now, I feel that your knickers are already soiled. So, what is Bibi's punchline? Here it comes:

  • I think that Acting Prime Minister Ehud Olmert's attitude is an indication of a lack of experience, determination and leadership, which could deal with this problem today
  • I know that my Likud colleagues and I will know how to deal with such a threat.

Still not scared? Then BOOOOOO!

Ashes to diamonds?

To the connoisseurs of macabre stuff - here it comes.

NEW YORK- Bob Valentino, Sr. remembers the morning his late wife returned home. It was last July, about nine months after she succumbed to an aggressive cancer at age 51, and about six months after he sent more than 200 grams of her ashes to LifeGem.
This Chicago-area company (slogan: "Love Lives On") promised to transform her remains into a pure, sparkling and everlasting diamond.

I knew that I wanted a part of her to be with me all the time," says Valentino, 67...

The guy worked as a butcher in a supermarket - so why this is a question at all? Wouldn't a marinated finger do? Probably tried it with his first wife, and it wasn't that convenient...

Alongside a mounted deer's head and a rack full of hunting rifles on the dark-paneled living room walls is a photo gallery crowded with pictures of children and grandchildren, but mostly of Patti.

I immediately put the ring on my finger and then I got in my car and started driving from place to place to show it to everyone. People couldn't believe it.

That last statement is true - I can hardly believe my eyes.

Mounted deer's head - mmm... The guy is certainly into trophies in a big way.
What happens if he marries a few more times? Probably something like this:

A question to the LifeGem folks: don't you want to consider branching out into converting live persons into diamonds? Elders have a backlog you wouldn't believe, I swear.

And you can keep the resulting diamonds to yourselves, you know...

25 February 2006

Mahmoud Abbas' split personality?

Laurence of TBIFOC reflects on Abu Mazen's changes of heart here.

It seems to me he missed one interesting point: the significance of the picture:

Is Abbas giving the interview in English, while his shadow is already working on an Arabic version for internal consumption? Like his dear departed mentor Yasser.

There is not much time left from maneuvering, so we shall see soon enough.

The Royal Family - pros and cons

Shuggy is expressing his, to say it mildly, deep dissatisfaction with the royals.
Not feeling myself qualified to express an opinion, I would like to point out a certain advantage of keeping them on: the income from the tourist industry. For sure it is more than balancing out the related expense.

For some people removal of this attraction could be a major turn-off, I am afraid.

(Great picture, though.)

Livingstone's loose lip

Says the article in Guardian. And loose brain, I have to add. Not that the Elders have a personal beef with the bloke.

Compared to the cartoon broohaha, the Red Ken's adventure is hardly worth a commentary. Of course, he could easily be taken for a cartoon character, but taking into account his Jewish roots, we tend to forgive him his eruptions of bile.

So, the only thing worth quoting from the article would be:

"True, the mayor has been a fool..."

And the only remark: that "has been" may be a bit premature...

24 February 2006

Green-brown liquid hint?

That report from Reuters may be highly significant to those who discern signs of higher power's involvement in everything:

BERLIN (Reuters) - A Bavarian village was flooded by liquid pig manure after a tank containing the fertilizer burst, German police said Wednesday.

Sewage rose to 20 inches in the courtyards and streets of Elsa after gushing from the tank, which held some 240,000 litres of pig manure.

"The village was swamped with green-brown liquid and it was pig manure -- the mother-of-all muck," said Rainer Prediger, a police spokesman in the nearby town of Coburg.

So, indeed, maybe there is a lesson in this story?

In related news:

The suspected leader of a gang accused of abducting, torturing and killing a Jewish man in France was captured by police in west Africa yesterday.

Youssef Fofana* was arrested in Ivory Coast, where he is said to have fled after the dying kidnap victim, Ilan Halimi, 23, a telephone salesman, was found 11 days ago. Mr Fofana, 25, who allegedly called himself the "Brain of the Barbarians", is expected to be flown back to France in the next day or so.

I feel that I start to like the pig more...

(*) Remark: there seems to be a football player in Ivory Coast with a similar name - not to be mixed!

Hat tip: SV

Another cool one

No, really - check it out. It's a doozy.

23 February 2006

Separated at birth? Nah...

Follow two pictures. Even to my skewed eyes, the likeness is somewhat striking.

The person on the right is easily recognizable, being a deservedly famous and well and easily liked Omar Sharif. No need for hosannas in this case. Anyway, the superficial likeness stops here*, and this post is dedicated to that puppy on the left - with an earnest and oily look of a moderately successful rug merchant and a nemesis of the country ladies aged above 45.

It is none other than a Lebanese journalist Mulham Assir, who published an article titled "More lists, please".

It is not the contents of the article that are most surprising, it is the quantity and quality of hate displayed. It looks like a produce of spitting cobra on amphetamines. Quite amazing quantity for a relatively small article, it even made some passages unitelligible. For instance:

What is a righteous gentile? The Jerusalem Museum Yad Vashem, the mother of all Holocaust museums, came up with the concept in 1963 and created the honor, bestowed by a special committee on candidates that qualified. Most were already dead by the time of induction into the hall of gentile righteousness, but that is understandable. Isn't that the case with Catholic beatification as well? After all, dead heroes are less likely to engender future controversies and maintenance is a lot cheaper.

The author is so obsessed by hate that he forgets to explain that the title of righteous gentile is bestowed by Jews on persons who saved Jews during the WWII - for readers who want/need to know.

Anyway, the small (less than two pages) article covers a lot of subjects:

  • Spielberg, Schindler List, Munchen
  • Holocaust museums and Jooz using them for their nefarious ends
  • Mainstream American media that is sold out to Jooz (of course)
  • Catholic beautification (a side remark)
  • Jewish Foundation for the Righteous in USA
  • Lack of compassion from Jooz during World War II in the Soviet Union and the Ukraine
  • Same during the period of Stalinist purges
  • Jews who sold their soul to the Red Devil
  • Of course, Chomsky/Finkestein (the pair of alte kockers) are artfully woven in the scenario
  • Bulldozer and Rachel Corrie (of course, how can we avoid it?)
  • Interrogation chambers and clinic (strange link, but no explanation)
  • Etc.
Anyway, it is enough - that small cobra has a lot of poisonous spit and uses it copiously and indiscriminately. Unsurprisingly, the cobra does not have a first idea about most of the issues it raises. So what is the article about? It ends on a surprisingly positive note: let's unite all the righteous saviors and the Holocaust museums in this way:

When we exhaust all possible compartmentalisations we should merge the lists, purge them of duplications and retain a single list: Righteous People. The same process might be applied to holocaust museums: we need lots more of them to dedicate to the Native Americans, the African Americans, the Armenians, the Iron Curtain nations, the Palestinians, the Vietnamese, quite a number to former African colonies, and so on. All these should also merge and become one, perhaps under a banner such as The Museum of Man's Inhumanity to Man.

Good, why not? (We'd like to see an explanation of that "Palestinian Holocaust", but let it go for now). Still, some answers are escaping me: why such a positive idea should be put on top of such a poisonous pile of Jew-biting? Because Jooz care about their dead? Because Jooz care about the people who risked their lives to save Jews?

And who are these "we" whom Mulham the spitting cobra mentions? The merchants of hate of his ilk? The mullahs and Ayatollahs preaching hate and destruction? Of course, the article is not going into technical details. Nor does it answer the question, which should by rights be answered: should the Jooz be blamed for insufficient remembrance of Romanies', Armenians', Irish and other Holocausts? Should Jooz take care of this?

No, it will be useless to expect an answer to this question from Mulham. After all, we know what is the real purpose of the article, don't we?

(*) Remark: since Omar and Mulham are both Lebanese, it is conceivable (heh heh) that Omar knew Mulham's mother or grandmother briefly. Who cares?

Hat tip: JS.

A Foot-in-Mouth outbreak in IDF

Jewish generals, unlike most of the other countries' brass, seem to be unable to keep to their main business.

"Given that Jordan is 80 percent Palestinian, we might - heaven forbid - reach a situation in which Abdullah is the last Hashemite king," Naveh said.

Deputy chief of staff Major General Moshe Kaplinsky said the Middle East is in a state of uncertainty and that "even in Egypt we see initial signs of a possible undermining of President Mubarak's solid regime."

Be good of them to print out that picture:

And keep it close at all times.

Yeah, and better check the diapers from time to time.

Internet and depression level

Some people are more delusional than it is permissible for a scientist.

Researchers in Sweden have found that an Internet-based form of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), along with participation in an Internet discussion group, can significantly improve symptoms for those with mild to moderate depression. The self-directed program also appeared to be beneficial in reducing anxiety symptoms and improving patients' overall quality of life.

Indeed, said Gerhard Andersson, Ph.D., a professor of behavioral sciences at Linkoping University, "self-help treatment of depression is an attractive treatment option" and may be just as effective as traditional face-to-face forms of psychotherapy.

No, really, guys - come on! Look at me. I mean, it will take more than all the Ivy League professors combined to get me out of that depression spiral. And I know precisely when it started. And what causes it.

  • There were no new links in the last xx weeks
  • The daily number of hits is falling
  • These two Higher Being bastards don't want to link us for love or for money. And I don't want to talk about the kinds of love we have offered...
  • These thoughts about branching out into pornography to increase traffic...
  • And the blog design sucks, and there is no time to do anything about it

See, Gerhard?

Barry Levinson strikes again

I believe that Barry Levinson, who was directing the movie Bandits, deserves a significant share of the spoils of the recent 25 million pounds robbery.

Well, of course, the real owner of the IP to it is the author of the scenario, but you know how it goes... I hope that Barry is a real mensch, though, and will share this windfall with everyone from that movie.

And another point - Jews seem to be able to pull the strings even in absentia.

22 February 2006

Yellow snow falls on Sakhalin

Utro.ru reports on an interesting phenomenon. It appears that the northern part of the Sakhalin was covered by a dirty-yellow snow.

After melting the snow, the result is water covered by a thing film of "oily substance with a revolting smell". Samples were sent to a laboratory for analysis.

The authors of the article followed the ancient Russian tradition of assigning the blame to the most unfavorable neighbor (traditionally China).

"This case must remind us of China who, in order to jump-start its economy, is merciless to its own environment and to the ecology of its neighbors", - the article says.

But this is no more than the usual journalistic guesswork. Maybe the explanation is different?

Every self-respecting male who has ever a) lived in a similar climate and b) imbibed some alcoholic beverage, most probably knows only too well of that custom of leaving yellow messages in the snow. Only in this case it is not a mortal being that left that message.

Maybe this is a direct message to Putin? Maybe, looking from a plane or from the orbital station, we shall see something like this:

Maybe a similar message is on its way to Chinese as well? Say, in the form of a frog rain with a strange pattern. Or something...

The new David Irving

We have reported earlier on the miraculous rebirth of the chief Holocaust denier and the real force driving it. Now the programming of the new David Irving will continue in jail, albeit in a moderate tempo - there is enough time .

We are worried a bit about that headline:

"Kosher meals the only treat for Irving at his new home"

Please don't overdo it, David. We know your zeal is boundless, but weaning of pork, shrimp and stuff should be gradual. Take care.

Oh, and this: "He will be allowed to shower twice a week - not alone, but with five other men."

Please ask the warden to insure they are Jewish, at least...

State Department or Hamas - who does it first?

"U.S. Court upholds petition to place 'Jerusalem, Israel' on passports" is the headline of Haaretz article. Confusing, innit?

The U.S. administration, as a matter of policy, is not willing to confirm that U.S. citizens who were born in Jerusalem were indeed born in Israel because, as was argued by the state's representative in court, the issue is "the subject of profound dispute" and Israel's claim to sovereignty over the city has never been decided.

So, at least in this issue, State Department's and Hamas' positions are identical. It will be interesting to watch the progress: who changes its policy first?

Any bets?

21 February 2006

Since they can't stop a man thinking, they take it out on his hide instead

I could have just referred to this post and left it at that. But it just has to be repeated.

From Pierre-Augustin Caron de Beaumarchais' 1784 stage comedy Marriage of Figaro (adapted by Mozart for the great opera), from the famous Freedom of Speech monologue in Act V, Scene 3:

"I cobble together a verse comedy about the customs of the harem, assuming that, as a Spanish writer, I can say what I like about Mohammed without drawing hostile fire. Next thing, some envoy from God knows where turns up and complains that in my play I have offended the Ottoman empire, Persia, a large slice of the Indian peninsula, the whole of Egypt, and the kingdoms of Barca {Ethiopia}, Tripoli, Tunisi, Algeria, and Morocco. And so my play sinks without trace, all to placate a bunch of Muslim princes, not one of whom, as far as I know, can read but who beat the living daylights out of us and say we are 'Christian dogs.' Since they can't stop a man thinking, they take it out on his hide instead..."
A disclaimer: the last I read Beaumarchais was lotsa years ago. I don't have the book at home and cannot vouch for authenticity of the text, but I got the same quote in another language from another source. It is too good anyway to disregard - even as a fake.

Hat tip: ES

What elegance is about

This is what it is about.

Hak Mao is a living lesson to us - uncouth heathens.

You better read it

Or else. This is a "must read" post. No, rather article - by Treppenwitz.

Nebuchadnezar, Zionists and moonbats

Moonbat alert - orange level!

Here is why. Enjoy!

It's all about elections, elections, elections

Some fairly squalid moves from our PM hopefuls:

DEBKAfile reports : Acting Prime Minister Ehud Olmert on Tuesday paid his first hospital visit to Prime Minister Ariel Sharon

February 21, 2006, 1:02 PM (GMT+02:00)

Sharon has been in a coma since he suffered a massive stroke in early January.

It was also reported that Arik did not voice any objections to various ideas Ehud described.

(Yeah, I know that it was a tasteless remark, but no more tasteless than that move of Olmert to gain a few brownie points with the electorate this way).

Likud leader Netanyahu wants to neutralize powerful Central Committee, allow all Likud members to choose party's Knesset list

Likud leader Benjamin Netanyahu is set to convene the Likud Central Committee in the coming days in a bid to pass a decision that will allow all Likud members, and not only the Central Committee, to choose the party list for the Knesset.

Ynet learned that the decision to change the Likud primaries voting procedure ahead of the general elections stems from internal Likud polls that show the move would increase public support for the party.

Bibi, as usual, zigging and zagging in his desperate struggle to improve the polls. It is important to mention that the same move from Central Committee voting to the all Likudniks voting was pushed by ...Bibi that last time (hopefully) he got to be PM. After persuading his party that it is the best thing to do, Bibi reversed this decision in about two years time, using his then henchman Lieberman. Undoubtedly, the principles that guided Bibi to pass this motion then outlived their shelf life in two years.


Dane asks to meet Moshe Dayan

We have already reported here on some loonies that feel (and act upon) irresistible attraction to the Holy Land - each for his/her own deeply personal reasons. Here comes another one.

Danish tourist tells Ben-Gurion Airport officials he came to Israel to advance peace, meet late military leader [Moshe Dayan].

Soon after landing at Ben-Gurion International Airport last week, a Danish tourist told airport officials that "I came to Israel to meet Moshe Dayan and establish peace," Israel’s leading newspaper Yedioth Aharonoth reported Monday. Interior Ministry officials told the Danish tourist: “Dayan is busy these days and cannot meet you."

Two remarks:

  1. To meet Moshe Dayan one does not have to travel to Jerusalem all the way from Denmark. A cartoon depicting a certain character and a subsequent visit to a mosque would do the trick much cheaper.
  2. The general location of Moshe Dayan is ideally suited for more effective management of the peace process in the Middle East. Indeed, it will take some celestial powers to...
  3. I hope that the late warrior/womaniser will have time for the Dane. I hear that the virgins up there are something entirely different.
Hat tip: Meryl

Douchebag of the day

ElBaradei: West may have to accept atomic Iran - says the headline in Ynet.

Nuclear watchdog chief suggests compromise may lie in accepting small-scale enrichment in Iran in exchange for guarantees of no full nuclear fuel production that could enable diversions into bomb-making.

IAEA chief Mohamed ElBaradei will make no recommendations in a broad report on three years of probes in Iran he is to give to board members on February 27, a week before they convene to weigh whether to urge a course of action by the Security Council.

But he has already suggested in diplomatic circles that a compromise may lie in accepting small-scale enrichment in Iran in exchange for guarantees of no full nuclear fuel production that could enable diversions into bomb-making, diplomats say.

How small is "small-scale". 5 kg? 10 kg? 20 kg?

Time to resort to our universal confusion symbol:


Update: it seems that in addition to unmasking of the douchebag, Iran helped the world in discovery of a quisling.

Visiting Norwegian Deputy Foreign Minister for the Middle East and Africa Raymond Johansen said on Monday that his country officially recognizes Iran's legitimate right for peaceful application of nuclear technology.

Is it symbolic that the term quisling was born in Norway or is it symbolic?

20 February 2006

From the ticker tape

18:59 Birds found dead in Gaza Strip taken for bird flu tests in Israel (Israel Radio)

This will definitely get the rumor about them Jooz spreading bird flu going stronger.

Remember it for later - we told you first!

Suicide bomber drive launched

A new initiative by our Iranian friends is covered here.

A small hardline Iranian group launched a fresh suicide bomber recruitment drive overnight, hoping to lure volunteers ready to die in the fight against Israel, Salman Rushdie or foreign invaders.

We'd like to know who is first in line: Israel, Rushdie or "invaders"? Will we be given some time to take a shower before being eliminated?

"The most important martyrdom-seeking operations that we call on people to register for is to defend the country in case of an attack," explained Mohammad Samadi, spokesman for the "Committee for the Glorification of Martyrs of the Global Islamic Movement."

It is not the first time we complain about the impossibly complicated names some people invent for their organizations. Please see here.
DWJT will suffice for the name.

After some three hours of speeches and films on Palestinian bombers, just a few dozen people stuck around to sign a form with three options: target the "occupiers of Qods (Jerusalem)", the "apostate Salman Rushdie" or "invaders".

Cannot a multiple choice be offered? After all, some of the especially talented and motivated folks may be able to blow up several times.

Mr Samadi said that over the past year, 1,000 people have registered to die and 300 of them had entered training courses including "theory and practice".

Were are the other 700? Blew the entrance exam?

"The average age range of participants is between 18 and 25, but we also get 80-year-old applicants," Mr Samadi said. "This is a way to give chance to people who have potential to show their capability to fight against invaders."

No problem. Should we provide all the necessary means of access to the disabled volunteers?

One of those signing up was Hamidreza Shahnazari, a bearded 24-year-old electrical student.

"I registered to prove that Iranian youth are not only those on the street with the latest fashions. There are many young people that dream about martyrdom every night," he said.

Surely his mom is grumbling about the sheets, ain't she? I bet she wishes he would get a girl, get a life and leave her home already. No wonder he wants to blow himself...

Hat tip: Vital Perspective

Essay: Brooklyn's not-one-inch crowd

By Hillel Halkin in JP. Yep.

David Irving: I erred when I said there were no gas chambers at Auschwitz

Haaretz brought today something that they consider a scoop probably:

VIENNA, Austria - Right-wing British historian David Irving pleaded guilty to criminal charges of denying the Holocaust and conceded he erred in contending there were no Nazi gas chambers at Auschwitz as his trial opened Monday in Vienna.

Irving, 67, told reporters he now acknowledges that the Nazis systematically slaughtered Jews during World War II. "History is like a constantly changing tree," he said as an eight-member jury and a panel of three judges prepared to hear charges that could put him behind bars for up to 10 years.

Ah, well, the Elders are not surprised for some reason. Follows an excerpt from a coded message from the Chief of Operations to a field operative:

Moshe, you can remove the vise from the subject's testicles. Let him take an ice bath for an hour, but make sure he doesn't get pneumonia. It is important to insure during the next steps of the programming that the subject:

  1. Does not get up and sing HaTikva each time he hears the word "Zionism"
  2. Conceals the Torah in a place not easily accessible to his houseguests
  3. Does not request an audience with the Chief Rabbi on weekly basis
  4. Stops sending his CV to Mossad HR dept. - explain to him gently that his age precludes this
  5. Does not ask for an official document stating that he is an avowed Zionist. In the worst case you can forge something suitable, but make sure to laminate it - he will use it a lot.

You can promise him that during the summer break in schools he will be invited to conduct workshops with our boy/girl-scouts about the ways to exterminate Holocaust denial.
Also - please ask Miriam to apply more rouge in his makeup - this vise made him too pale.

101 uses for a cartoonist's head

To all aspiring beheaders: there is more to the head than just a monetary compensation:

I wish I could draw - but I cannot, for life or for money, so please, send us cartoons or links to cartoons on the subject.

19 February 2006

Separated at birth?

You know I have resisted this craze for as long as I could. Watch me succumbing.

I know that by this act I am adding to my personal load of Jewish guilt. Comparing a mass murdering psycho to a genius of laughter and kindness is hardly excusable.


Update: it appears that the
psycho has decided to try a new career in stand-up comedy. I think that the results are not encouraging, but maybe, just maybe, he will find a memorable sentence for the gallows.

The 11th Commandment continued.

Further good news, Elders!

Neil Berry, one of our most effective operators, has been working well for us in the fraught and dangerous task of infiltrating both Al Jazeera and - let the trumpets sound - The Muslim Weekly. Our work is done as evidenced by Neil's elaborate double bluff squared here.

....Just as Chelsea football club could never have achieved their current pre-eminence but for the monumental financial resources of Roman Abramovich, so Blair's political success would scarcely have been possible without the largesse which Lord Levy did so much to furnish. Though little has been made of it, it is no secret that David Cameron is likewise being bankrolled by well-disposed businessmen, among them them, the carpet magnate, Lord Harris of Peckham, the proprietor of the Jayroma clothing company, Michael Feldman, the media mogul, Michael Green and the chief executive of the Next chain, Simon Wolfson (who was lately appointed Cameron's adviser on economic competitiveness and wealth creation).....

Blah blah: "sharp awareness of the imperatives of contemporary merchandising. What is also striking is that not a little of that money has been provided by Jews"; blah blah: "to invite the sort of moral obloquy that is visited on holocaust-deniers or on those who believe that there is an international Jewish conspiracy; it is, moreover, to solicit the eagle-eyed attention of Bicom (the British-Israel Communication and Research Centre), the formidably efficient Zionist lobbying organisation which specialises in the instant rebuttal of comment deemed prejudicial to the Jewish state"....

Neil's cunning strategy of agreeing that we Elders control Chelsea FC and Messrs. Tony 'n' Dave whilst masking the fact he is on the Elders' payroll (Sharp Imperative Contemporary Merchandising section) is masterly. And here comes the payload:

"Yet imagine what would happen if a candidate for one of Britain's leading parties were revealed to to be receiving financial backing from, say, Hindu, or, worse still, from Muslim businessmen. What would be the reaction if Cameron's patrons included wealthy Muslims such as Mohammed al Fayed or Shami Ahmed, the enterprising young British Asian who developed the Manchester-based fashion empire, Joe Bloggs?

See how sharply cunning Neil is? He - with deliberate inaccuracy - asserts that absolutely no successful Hindu or Muslim businessmen has ever made a donation to any of the political parties in Britain. But why is this? Surely, you ask, such tycoons must wish to rub shoulders with the powerful by the usual route - donations to the parties, to charities, tickets to Chelsea FC etc? How is the generosity of such businessmen thwarted?

Heh, heh, heh. We Elders don't let them give! When a cheque arrives at AnyPoliticalParty HQ bearing a non-Jewish signature, our forgery team gets to work and - shazam - Chomsky-Finkelstein it is. Just like that. We kill two (non-flu bearing) birds with one stone by this brilliant trickery - the Jews are made to look even richer and more powerful than they are and the Hindus and Muslims are humiliated by being made to look poor, powerless and, frankly, lacking in social skills.

See how well Neil accomplishes our mission? Ladies and gentlemen a round of applause - Neil Berry!

Indian minister said offering $10m for beheading cartoonist

It looks like the market for some specific heads becomes more than bullish.

An Indian state minister has offered a reward of more than $10 million and a prospective killer's weight in gold to anyone who beheads one of the cartoonists who angered Muslims by depicting the Prophet Mohammed in a Danish newspaper, the London Sunday Times reported this week.

I know just the type of people who are ideally suited to the job, taking that "weight in gold" proviso into account:

Another interesting point:

The new, larger reward was announced by Yaqoob Qureshi, minister of minority welfare in the Indian state of Uttar Pradesh, in a speech to constituents in Meerit, northeast of Delhi.

So this Qureshi bloke is a minister of minority welfare. Hmm... Definitely a novel way to keep minorities happy. Maybe the lawmakers could squeeze in a new law that requires regular beheading as part of a certain minority welfare measures?

Since it is doubtful that the minister intends to pay the bonus from his own money, the idea might become a law as well...

18 February 2006

Another strike for the Elders!

The anti-Semitic carton business is burgeoning on boomka.org.
I cannot resist the urge to copy one of the inputs here:

Cannot wait for Iranian competitors.
He he he...

On the Salt Lake City confusion - setting the record straight

It appears that there is a frightful row in Salt Lake City these days, all because of some stupid DNA issue.

A few years ago, Loayza said, his faith was shaken and his identity stripped away by DNA evidence showing that the ancestors of American natives came from Asia, not the Middle East.

For Mormons, the lack of discernible Hebrew blood in Native Americans is no minor collision between faith and science. It burrows into the historical foundations of the Book of Mormon, a 175-year-old transcription that the church regards as literal and without error.

The truth is neither here nor there, and it is up to us, the Elders, to straighten the record. The story started about 2 thousand years ago, when we have decided to look at the commercial feasibility of opening a buffalo burgers franchise in North America. We have set up a preliminary hunting and tasting committee of the Elders (see here):

And the conclusions were quite encouraging, so the Elders have decided to have a go at it.
The idea fired up the imagination of the youngsters, who have pictured the working conditions like this:

Well, anyhow, the exploratory party got there and set up several hunting and processing locations. There were no issues with supply of meat - you couldn't throw a stone these days without hitting a buffalo, so this side of the business was pretty well fixed.

The first real problem appeared to be the weather. Being used to a much hotter climate, the members of the hunting teams started grumbling, this appeared to be no fun at all:

"We didn't come here to freeze our yarmulkas off", was the regular whine these days.

The second issue came from a completely unexpected direction. The chief Rabbi of the expedition started doubting whether the buffalo meat is kosher. Since buffalo did not appear in the Book, it took us a lot of time for correspondence with the mainland and unending theological discussions, which was not a good start for any business venture, as you might imagine.

But the last, and mortal, blow came from the consumers. These days the market research was not what you might call scientific. So it came as a total surprise when it became apparent that the locals do not take at all to the idea of grilled meat. No matter how much we have invested in PR, free sampling, campaigning and all that marketing shit, the locals still stuck to their raw meat munching habits (this is why stake Tartar is a big no-no in our menu till these days, by the way).

So the team has packed their belongings, moved to Central and South America for milder climate and mingled with the local population. Just for the sheer fun of it, the Hebes started building there all kinds of incomprehensible and useless stone structures of all forms and styles that confound archaeologists and other eggheads of today.

As to the issue of DNA: these days we didn't know from no DNA. The "procreate and multiply" command, on the other hand, was crystal clear and attractive: if it stands on two feet and doesn't wave a tomahawk at you - go ahead and procreate. As for the DNA - we didn't split no DNA then, it was all done in the old-fashioned way, so just disregard all that mumbo-jumbo and take it easy. Here is how:

With me so far? Good, that's it. Oh, and don't forget to have a few brewskies with that burger!

The length of our arm

For those who doubted the might of the Elders, here comes another gentle reminder:

A Colorado man who laughed Monday when he first read Vice President Dick Cheney had shot a hunting companion was himself injured just hours later when he was accidentally blasted by his girlfriend in his own hunting mishap.

Let no one say afterwards that you were not warned, OK?

Hopefully you can see now why Dick is laughing? Well, smirking, actually, but smirking is the name of the game in the White House these days.

17 February 2006

Have a nice day!

If this doesn't make you laugh - you must pay more for your therapy. Or, better, check your Yellow Pages for another therapist - yours is a dork, most probably.

gnotalex - I owe you one!

16 February 2006

Still - a Zionist conspiracy

The good folks of The People's Cube made a serious attempt to get to the bottom of the so-called "Iranian President" Mahmoud Ahmadinejad story. Good job, but no cigar, guys!

You have not succeeded to dig deep enough. But we, the Elders, can tell you more, much more about the string-pullers behind the puppet...

Still, one should not save a compliment where it is due. Good job!

Communism may be dead, but clearly not dead enough

This is probably the only sentence I agree with wholeheartedly in this article by Seumas Milne, the Guardian's (not very) closet Stalinist.

There is something very strange about this article. In fact it is just a part of a string of articles on the same subject - trying to embellish one of the most tyrannical and bloody regimes ever gracing the planet - the Stalin's Soviet Union. Even the outright lies and half-truths are the same, carefully copy/pasted from one article to another. As, for example, the pathetic attempt to falsify the total number of victims of the regime - but it is an old hat. What really takes the cake is:

For all its brutalities and failures, communism in the Soviet Union, eastern Europe and elsewhere delivered rapid industrialisation, mass education, job security and huge advances in social and gender equality. It encompassed genuine idealism and commitment, captured even by critical films and books of the post-Stalin era such as Wajda's Man of Marble and Rybakov's Children of the Arbat.

Gosh, what an idiot!

  • Rapid industrialisation - accompanied by the greatest ecological disasters in history and the destruction of agriculture that once fed half of the world.
  • Mass education - producing yearly up to 6 million engineers who were not able to design and build a car to speak of.
  • Job security - that most of the Soviet people called "official unemployment" and shameful bare existence on potatoes and cucumbers for people outside the big cities
  • Social equality - aw, heck, the man must be mad as Hatter - but so he is, most probably. Nah, just a turkey.
Even for the Guardian, the man is too much. Why do they keep that dinosaur, is beyond my understanding. But I have an advice for the poor jerk:

Get a life, Seumas, in short.

Hat tip: Harry's place

Putin's guests

Only people with some knowledge of Russian language and history will enjoy the picture.
Sorry, folks, it is not easily translateable.

Hodoky k Putinu

I shall try to explain. "Hodoky" means literally "walkers", but a second and relevant here meaning is "petition-bearers". As the popular myth goes, Lenin was fond of receiving all kinds of petition-bearers himslef, listening to their tales of woe and, of course, immediately satisfying their requests. Mostly it is a bullshit myth, of course, as many of the others created in the Soviet propaganda school. A lot of Soviet jokes and other folklore was built upon this myth.

The picture above is just a remake of the famous in USSR picture (actually, there were hundreds of variations of the same topic) that appeared in millions of school books and other publications.

Of course, the remake relevance to the current Middle East developments is clear. I hope it will be not deemed offensive to any religion.

Here is one of the original pictures (I wasn't successful in finding the exact one that matches the remake): (update: it is the correct original now, thanks to a visitor here)

I hope it made the whole business clearer now...

Political correctness running amok

"Russian Paper Accused Of Inciting Religious Hatred" says the headline.

A spokesman for Russia's media supervisory body, Rosohrankultura, has warned Russian media they may have their registration cancelled if they publish materials inciting religious animosities.

The "Gorodskie vesti" cartoon shows Jesus, Moses, Buddha, and the Prophet Muhammad watching on television two groups of people about to start a fight. The caption reads: "We did not teach you that." The cartoon illustrates an article titled "Racists Have No Place In Government."

So what do we have here? A newspaper publishes a very PC article with an innocent (or, at least, universally offensive to all) cartoon. An this is the result? Un-fucking-believable!

In short - a lot of people have a lot of chilling out to do. As a first step, I offer this cartoon:

It is offensive (well, kind of) to my fellow Jews only, so it should make the rest of 99.99% of the world population less restive - for a while, at least.

P.S. To the Russian friends: doesn't Rosohrankultura sound suspiciously like Ohranka?

Hat tip to Jan

From smoking to schm...

New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg is, as usual, full of vigor and new initiatives. Poor NewYorkers had barely enough time to take a deep breath in the smoke-free watering holes, and now it is free condoms that are going to descend on unsuspecting city dwellers.

Although there were no details of what images the packaging would carry, city officials have said the New York condom is not part of Mayor Michael Bloomberg's larger branding campaign, which includes products that use the logos of the police and fire departments.

Yeah. Indeed, the user in this case could hardly be excited (no puns, please!) by such picture:

(Beside, what does it mean - working together with police in this specific case?)

Or by this one:

Maybe the following will be more suitable:

No, after a short period of contemplating it - no way. It is even worse than NYPD one from the point of view of ...er ...excitement.

There is a better candidate. Here he comes:

Aside of being hauntingly similar to the previous image, this one is more exciting, you must agree. Full of life, and the beak is much more impressive.

One thing for sure: this image is not associated with the bloody smoking ban, at least!

Well, that issue is settled then. There remains another, a small one, in the linked article that needs sorting out:

"That's not the place that you want people to think of New York City," said Reverend Bill Banuchi, executive director of the state's Christian Coalition.

This was a very confusing statement, for sure. What place does the Reverend have in mind, for crying out loud?

15 February 2006

A keen for Ronald McDonald

Our Colleague Elder of Ziyon created the best eulogy for the late Ronald McDonald (PBUH). I feel this is the one Ronald will be most pleased by.

Now for Something Entirely Different or Maurice Leiter Strikes Again

Time to take a break from reality. All these cartoons-shmartoons, birds-shmirds, ...

I know all of you will cry gevalt, seeing the subject of this post. I know that there are about four or five persons in the whole blue world, that including me and, possibly, Andrew Ian Dodge, that would be interested in the subject.

But it is irresistible. Anyway, the subject is this mysterious Maurice Leiter person who is presented by that lefty professor I have mentioned here, Brian Leiter. It seems that once a week or so the learned prof provides the Maurice Leiter bloke a place on his blog to publish some exceptionally poor poetry. Usually it is full of social and political innuendo, directed against Western capitalistic, bourgeois, disastrous, ... [fill the blanks yourself] way of life and the Western society in general.

I have stumbled on one of Maurice L.'s creations that left me breathless. Titled "Lessons of History", it derides (maybe deservedly, but this is not the point) a Russian mogul or "oligarch", as they are called there these days. The poem ends this way:

Have we not met this barbarian before
Who remembers only what flatters
Small consolation for the Russian people
Innocent of what'’s in store for them

Yeah. Lessons of history indeed. The Russian people Maurice Leiter so touchingly patronizes know their history much better than their American patron. They know what these 70+ years of history done to them and to their country, Mr. Leiter (and prof. Leiter). No oligarch could make it worse.

The next question will be - who is that Maurice Leiter fellow, after all? My googling brought up only one Maurice Leiter of any prominence. A lawyer, whose name is very closely linked to that of Philip Morris, for which hardly benevolent outfit Maurice seems to have done a lot of good jobs.

So, could it be possible that these two are one and the same Maurice? Kinda Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde situation here then (in reverse, timewise): during the day a corporate shark and during the night a leftie producing touching poems, albeit of revolting quality?

Curiosier and curiosier, eh? But, of course, it is only a wild guess, and if Maurice the corporate lawyer is not Maurice the poet - my apologies. Please do proceed with protecting Philip Morris, Maurice - I am smoking Parliament.

In general, the aroma of mystery surrounding the name Brian Leiter is very strong. Like, for example, who is that person that hates the professor so much that he/she found it worth the effort to get to Wikipedia piece on the professor and do something awful like this:

(Click on the picture to zoom in)

I have a gut feeling that there are quite a few thrillers to be written about the professor and the mysteries surrounding him.

But reality calls back, the Elder's subsonic whistle is pressing me back into the usual Hasbara duties...

Gay Episcopal Bishop Enters Alcohol Rehab

It is not clear why this piece of news made a headline for AP at all - probably a slow day.

In any case, one can easily get confused by all these qualifiers. Imagine:

Alcoholic Gay Bishop enters Episcopal Rehab.


Alcoholic Episcopal Bishop enters Gay Rehab.

Or: imagine a Jewish parental pair bemoaning their son's lifestyle:

"First he becomes an episcopal bishop. Then it appears he is gay. And now this! Such tsures on mine kopf!"

Well, at least in this case he isn't Jewish...

Hamas will elect our next prime minister

At least, this is what Bradley Burston says in this article. For those who remember the last time Bibi got to occupy the PM's chair, that sounds as a true statement.

"Like it or not, it all comes down to terrorism. The Islamic Resistance Movement's day job may be clean government, but terrorism remains its middle name. It's Hamas' call. Whichever way Hamas swings, bloodshed or calm, so swings the election."

"No one knows this better than Benjamin Netanyahu. This month marks 10 years since Hamas embarked on a wave of suicide terror that would bring Netanyahu, a greenhorn politician and, until then, a hopeless underdog, an upset triumph in elections against then-prime minister and runaway favorite Shimon Peres."

"For Netanyahu, terror is the only hope."

"The economic policies he defends as having saved the country, have so alienated his blue-collar voter base, that only Hamas, the Jihad and the Martyr's can pull him out now."

"In this regard, however, supporters of Netanyahu can take heart. Hamas did it for him once. Hamas can certainly do it again."

How true. How sad...

Hatred Never Changes

Please read and forward to your friends this post by Bradley Egel.
Jew-haters are spread fairly evenly over the globe, it seems.